Thursday, December 19, 2013

Andrew Coyne: The Case For Heartlessness

After coming to the aid of James Moore when the Industry Minister displayed his rabid child eating hating tendencies, Andrew is working up a new column in defense of Canada Post's Deepak Chopra, another Harper appointee, who stated recently that that seniors would welcome the exercise brought about by the discontinuation of door-to-door mail service and the introduction of community mailboxes.

I have recieved a copy of the first draft of Andrew's column, which I reproduce below without comment:

We can argue about the causes and about whether it is a worthy metric, but it is at least worth noting that 76% of seniors in Canada today own at least one gold encrusted walker with an attached jet pack. It is beyond question that we are  dealing with a segment of the Canadian civitas that is swathed in decades of nanny-state entitlement, and which desperately needs to be disrobed before the cold winds of Economic Reality.  

This is not to advocate any sort of truly radical solution.  For example, melting the old down into Soylent Green, which could then be redistributed through the back window of our limosines as a form of edible, if sticky, coinage to those indigent laborors who will later be shipped off to work in the Alberta Tar Mines or wherever required by the iron necessities of Neo-Liberteranian Theory, would strain the social consensus of the day.  Nevertheless, any initiative that can liberate the "stranded labour" of  our elderly, now wasted in the form of trips to Florida and summer evenings spent on the porch "whittling", should not be dismissed out of hand.

In fact, as we near Xmas I would suggest that we owe both Mr. Moore and Mr. Chopra a hearty thanks, for they have brought us the gift of Economic Clarity.  I am reminded of that touching scene in "A Christmas Story" where the venerable Scrooge whips that cripple with his belt: "More?  You want MORE?  While more you shall get, ingrate!"  And then: Smack!  Smack!  SMACK SMACK SMACK!!!  Smack...Smack!!...SMACK SMACK!!!!

I funny thing is, I kind of agree with Coyne on this issue.

1 comment:

jrkrideau said...

As I was walking along the almost impassible sidewalks of Kingston yesterday it occured to me that many elderly and those with mobility impairments will be pretty well housebound for much of the next 2.5 or 3 months.

That's not that long no to go to the mail box.